I know I'm behind... but I don't give a damn. I was actually thinking of stopping it because I'm tired of it and it seems to be pointless.

Definition of Love )

Your Day )
The whole meme.
So after I wrote that entry, I thought several things which made my difficulty breathing even worse. I convinced myself that I probably had a collapsed lung and was dying, so I started hyperventilating and no matter what I did, I could not get myself to calm down. In turn, this got me to nearly pass out several times because I'd cry and the front of my brain would go numb. My fingers would go numb... and no matter what I tried to make myself think about, I couldn't make myself breathe normally and go to sleep.

At about 6 AM, I woke up my parents while in hysterics.

My mother told me that I was overreacting and tried to get me to sleep. I tried sitting in the bathroom with hot water running to breathe in the steam, hoping it would clear up my lungs, but I just ended up feeling claustrophobic and like I was suffocating.

I was terrified that I was going to die and if there wasn't anyone around to see me passed out on the floor, I thought I would die.

So it seems that as soon as I get a job and health insurance, I am going to the doctor for an inhaler and then I am also going to a psychiatrist.

There is something wrong with me on several levels and I need help.

I eventually fell asleep and I told my parents that I didn't need to go see my doctor or anything when I woke up, because I thought I was feeling better... but now that I've been moving around a little bit, I think I was wrong.

I was going to see Christopher today and go to Kroger for food, but I'm not allowed to leave and honestly, it's probably not the best idea. I hope I go back to normal soon.


asile_de_fou: (Default)

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